During Mondays meeting with The Girls in the Field, I chose to take the final hour to discuss this Royal Wedding business. Throughout all my sarcasm and jabs, I believe the girls have had enough of me. I’m sorry but I just refuse to cut my Z’s short just to wake up for a wedding that’s not even my own. To me this is like watching the genetic lottery in motion. I’ll agree that the family history, the royal appeal, and the rarity of the occasion are somewhat compelling…but 4 o’clock… I don’t think so. This stuff ain’t easy and I NEED my sleep. So bring on the list…
1. Who would ever plan a wedding on the morning prior to Thirsty Thursdays. So realistically not only am I going to have to cut the most hopping weekday night short, but I’m also going to have to drag my feet the rest of the day. If you decide to cut your night short, and everybody else decides to cut their night short… I’m pretty sure I’m gonna be the only one left. It’s okay though, I’ll take one for the team.
2. Not to sound jealous, but yes I’m happy for the soon to be newlyweds…but all of the world’s children are fed all these lies about fairy tales, rainbows, good always prevailing over evil, and all that care bear stuff…99% of all these children will soon realize like I did, that there will be no princes, castles, or chariots in their futures. Now would you look at this…Ms. 1% over here is going to not only marry into royalty but also rub it in my face at 4 AM right before I have to start my VERY realistic day of work. I’m starting to realize Reason #2 is starting to turn into a really jealous rant… but hey I’m happy for the girl, believe it or not. What really crumbles my cookie is the LIES! Parents, do your kids a favor and explain to them that they will sit in a classroom throughout their youth, sit in another classroom throughout their prime for another 4-8 years, just to then sit behind a desk in a cubicle for little pay and no dental. Of course, it doesn’t end there. From there they will most likely become knocked up, punch out a few rugrats, and blame some poor sap for ruining their appearance and lost dreams.
3. Okay fine they are one of the few “famous” royal families that people actually care about. Regardless, he’s not the Prince of my home land, and what exactly does a prince and princess do over there in middle earth? Needless to say, they’re not going to be woken up at 4 AM to watch my wedding, let alone care to watch it at all.
4. No Beer? Not even B.Y.O.B?..What the hell is going on? Supposedly the Queen won’t allow it…Kate, there’s a glimpse of the rest of your life with the Queen Grand Mother-in-law.
5. 4 AM here in the states…Do I need to say more?
Anyways, where was I…back to watching coverage of the wedding…